Being the first mom in my friend group

Being the first mom in my friend group was a really lonely time.

It wasn’t as if they weren’t supportive or understanding; they participated in every activity and asked how I was all the time. Yet we all knew that there was an invisible line and distance between us that felt impossible to bridge. While I was dealing with morning sickness, they would be having brunch or talking about their newest dates; when I was taking prenatal classes and shopping for baby clothes, they were travelling around the world.

We were at two different stages of life, and as much as we hated to admit it, my pregnancy created a distance between us because the list of things we had in common was dwindling. I used to thrive in social settings. I enjoyed meeting new people and embracing new experiences (ironically, I was always the mom of my friend group and always made sure everyone was hydrated and happy).

Pregnancy really dulled that down: I was always uncomfortable, self-conscious, and stressed. As vain as it sounds, I felt ugly. And that for me felt like the end of the world. It didn’t matter how many times my husband would tell me that I was stunning, beautiful, and that he was so lucky to have me as his wife and mother of his child, I always felt disgusting. Some women have a beautiful pregnancy glow during their pregnancies. I was not one of them. I looked bloated (I gained 7lbs during my pregnancy) and sad.

One of the most isolating things for me was the stress of being pregnant: being paranoid about the well-being of my unborn child (going to the bathroom and inspecting the tissues to make sure I wasn’t bleeding), worrying about the health of my children when they weren’t kicking enough, stressing about my career trajectory after maternity leave… the list goes on and on.

As the pregnancy went on, things got better and worse. Though the stress of the pregnancy never stopped, my friends really stepped up to support me the best way they could: checking in on me and my husband, gifting both me and my unborn child beautiful things, etc. I felt so loved, but still floating around on my little island.

After the birth of my back-to-back babies, I tried to rebuild my identity and started seeing my friends again, and now I’m happy to say that I have a great balance of my work, social, and home life. I go salsa dancing almost every week, I competed in my first Latin dancing competition, and I am thriving in my career.

Though I’m still the only one with kids, I’m happy that my friends (who have started to plan) are doting aunts and uncles. As much as my experience was isolating, I am so happy and proud that I get to stand by my friends and help them navigate the murky waters of pregnancy, the trenches of newborn sleep deprivation, and toddler tantrums.

I guess I really am the mom of my friend group.